Conspiracy Theories and Family

My parents are devastated! My pregnant wife and I did something unspeakably horrible! We have broken their trust and I’m not sure we’ll ever be forgiven.

We got vaccinated.

If ever a crime was so unspeakable, this was it. To my parents, we poisoned our bodies and my pregnant wife put our baby in danger.

In case you can’t tell, my parents believe in conspiracy theories. Lots of them. Often when I have a conversation with them, it’s a struggle to steer the conversation clear from getting an earful of their beliefs. I get told all about COVID-19 was a planned event. Or how vaccines cause autism. Or how 5G is making everyone sick.

In an effort to better deal with this conundrum, I did a bit of research to get some insight into their heads, and to understand if there is anything I can do about it. I also know that I’m not the only one dealing with this. With our divisive politics these days, families all across America are dealing with onslaughts of information that are completely at odds with each other (COVID-19, stolen elections, etc.).

That being said, I hope this information can help you.

Why people believe in conspiracy theories

Let’s start with the definition of a conspiracy theory. According to Mirriam-Webster, A conspiracy theory is “a theory that explains an event or set of circumstances as the result of a secret plot by usually powerful conspirators”. Conspiracy theories are nothing new. They’ve been around for ages (e.g. flat-earth theory), but they will often see a revival in the light of a major event.

There are three motives that cause people to believe in conspiracy theories, per the American Psychological Association and the Association for Psychological Science.

1. The first motive is epistemic (the need for knowledge and information). People will fill in the information gaps they have in order to feel certain about what happened (APA). Conspiracy beliefs of this type are correlated with lower levels of analytical thinking or education, and associated with the tendency to conflate correlation with causation (APS).

An example of an epistemic motive is the belief that vaccines cause autism. That autism expresses itself after certain vaccines leads some to see cause and effect, when really there is no causal link. Autism expresses itself at 18–24 months when some vaccines are given. Assuming causation where there is correlation is an analytical mistake that is all too common.

2. The second motive is existential (the need to feel safe). When something major happens (pandemic, terrorist attack, etc.), people don’t like to feel powerless or out of control. Reaching to conspiracy theories makes them feel like they have the information and, therefore, some sort of power or control over their situation (APA).

Climate change denial is a prime example. That the climate is warming at an accelerating pace is alarming. Many people are quick to latch on to the idea that this is just a natural part of earth’s cycle (this rate of warming is not). This might help them to feel at ease about what otherwise may become an existential threat.

3. The third and final motive is social (the desire to feel good about one’s self and/or to be part of the group). People tend to valorize themselves or their in-groups by blaming negative outcomes on others. This can help them uphold their image as competent and moral people who are sabotaged by “powerful and unscrupulous others”.

A prime example is the way the Republicans have been blaming their 2020 losses on voter fraud. The party leadership is too proud to admit loss and reflect upon their policy positions. The loss of the presidency and the senate was immediately blamed on imaginary ideas of voter fraud.

How to deal with conspiracy theorists, especially if they are your family

1. Have empathy. Some folks, including family, may not have the tools necessary to understand or analyze events in a logical manner that allows them to cut through misinformation.

2. Do not engage. At least at first. If conspiracies come up, be stern and end the conversation. You have to train your family members. Understand that it is impossible to argue with someone who lacks logical process in their beliefs. Rather, build a relationship based on solid ground and talk about anything else you both agree on (sports, beer, cars, etc.). This will help to build a common set of beliefs.

Once a stronger relationship with a common set of beliefs is formed, any attempt to change someone’s mind will be more likely to succeed. Slowly, introduce factual information. But, don’t go in with the goal of winning. Rather, go in with the goal of finding common ground.

3. Get to them before the conspiracies do. Per the APA, have conversations early and often with your loved ones before a belief takes hold (if possible). Major events (pandemics, terrorist attacks, economic crisis, etc.) leave information gaps that allow conspiracy theories to thrive.

Because conspiracy theories are factually at odds with the truth, and because it’s very difficult to hold two competing ideas in one’s head at the same time, planting a logic seed early on is very effective. That being said, relaying factual information as early as possible is more likely to prevent a conspiracy theory from taking hold later.

4. If they won’t back down, ask yourself, is it worth it? Sometimes family relationships can be more of a drain than a support system . Some people place being right above building family relationships (don’t be one of these people). In the case you’re on the receiving end of this from various family members, sometimes the right thing is to walk away for good. This will be the extreme case, and should not be decided lightly. But, sometimes it’s the right thing.

5. Be aware of human tendency… including yours. Here is a short list I compiled about some of the major flaws people have that lead them to believe the irrational. This list is purely based on my unscientific observations but I think some of this holds true. Remaining aware of these can help you avoid these pitfalls as well.

• Binary Thinking: Complex ideas are oversimplified into being one side or another. The gray area in the middle is ignored or goes unnoticed. Binary thinking helps us feel a sense of certainty.
• Bias: People don’t believe what they see, they see what they believe. This causes people to ignore facts when they don’t conform to their world view. This usually happens subconsciously.
• Ego: Inability to accept failure. This causes people to find a reason to blame their problems on other people or events.
• Social Pressure: The need to fit in is underrated. Most people would rather go along with an idea than to take a social risk and disagree.
• Dissatisfaction with Self: Conspiracies are seductive. Believing in them allows people to escape into a fantasy where the world somehow tilts back in their favor.
• Rigidity: Inability to change one’s mind because of personal pride or the fear of looking like a flip-flopper.